


Heaven Can Wait

by NW01204



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NW01204/pseuds/NW01204
Summary: Heaven is Paradise now. Everyone’s happy ending. Peace now we are done. Right? Wrong. What happens when Heaven is not all its cracked up to be? When you’re used to a more exciting way of life?Who would have thought that family, Baby, beer and nothing to fight would be so frikkin’ BORING, man?Dean is restless. But the one person (angel) who could help, is the very one he is too afraid to turn to.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Peace no more

**Author's Note:**

> They’re all dead. That’s not my fault. I am not the one who killed them. But I am one of many who wants their story to really ‘Carry On’. I hope you like it.

When Eileen finally joined Sam in Heaven, Dean was thrilled to see her. The stories that they told him of their life together and their life with their son (who was named after him no less!) made him feel like he'd missed out on so much. But he was content. He was so proud that Sammy had lived a full life, and had the family he had always wanted.

However, Heaven had changed for Dean now, no longer spending his time with his brother. He knew that time had no meaning here; that he’d spent a long time with Sam, reminiscing about their time on earth, saving people, hunting things. He knew that Sam had missed being with his wife, and that his Heaven was complete now that she had joined him. Unfortunately, that left Dean alone once again, with only Baby for company.

Sure, his parents were here, Bobby, Charlie, even Jody had turned up, found her husband and son, and was now waiting for her girls and their families to complete her Heaven. 

Dean was so grateful that Jack had knocked down the walls to allow people to be with their loved ones once they were dead. He and Sam had spent a lot of time with these people and Dean never thought he would get tired of it.

But he had grown tired. Not bone weary like he used to be on earth. Not emotionally exhausted from not being able to save people, or from losing people he cared about. Just tired, man. Surely there must be more to Heaven than just this.

“Do you miss anything from when you were alive, Sammy?” Dean asked, during one of his visits to see his brother. 

“Only Dean and my grandkids, but I sure as hell don’t want them here yet. They have their lives to live.” Sam replied with a small smile. “Why do you ask?” he said, glancing at Dean.

“I dunno, man. I guess I’m bored. I can see who I want, go where I want, eat and drink whatever I want. But where’s the excitement.” Dean took a long drink of his beer, then sighed. “I never was one for sitting still too long, ya know.”

“Heh!” chuckled Sam “you miss the fight.”

“What? No!” spluttered Dean. “Our whole lives were fighting. Why would I miss that?”

“Come on, Dean. I know you. Yeah, you talked about retiring, moving on. But an eternity of sitting on your thumbs wasn’t what you signed up for.” Sam replied. “You need a challenge, something to fix, something to fight. You need to hunt.”

Dean looked out at the trees. “I didn’t want to be a hunter forever, Sammy. I didn’t want that to be all I was.”

“That’s never all you were, Dean. Not to me, not to the people who cared about you.” Sam looked down at his feet. “But it was a huge part of what made you happy. It’s only natural that you’re bored without it.”

“Well, I doubt Jack would add monsters to Heaven just so I could go out and hunt them whenever I got an itch to scratch.” Dean huffed out a laugh. “What the hell am I supposed to do about that?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Dean. There wasn’t really anything you had in life apart from hunting. And, y’know, Scooby Doo.”

Dean chuckled, but it lacked humour. “Yeah. Never got the chance to really live after all the fighting. Not like you did.”

“I’m sorry Dean.” Sam got up, stretching his tall frame. “You’re always welcome to stay here you know. If you don’t wanna be alone.” He patted his brother on the shoulder.

Dean reached up and tapped Sam’s huge hand. “Thanks man, I know.” Then he looked out again as Sam walked into his house and let the door close behind him.

Dean closed his eyes. He willed himself to not pray, he clenched his fists, set his jaw. He would NOT pray, would not think his name. That was the one thing he could not do, because he couldn’t let himself go there. He was ashamed that he wanted to so badly, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

To pray to Castiel to come to him. To admit that he was the one thing missing from his Heaven that would make it perfect. To face him after wasting his sacrifice so soon after the Empty took him. To finally allow himself to return the love that had been given to him. Dean wouldn’t allow himself to do that, to feel that. It twisted in his gut whenever he remembered the moment Cas had been swallowed up; smiling down at Dean for speaking his truth, and never hearing it back.

The few weeks on earth after Castiel had gone were lived in a fog. Fighting and defeating Chuck. Jack coming into his power then simply walking away. Trying to live his life the way Castiel would have wanted. But Dean’s heart was never in any of it. When he fell on that rebar, fuck, he welcomed death in that moment. He was done. 

But of course death wasn’t the end. Those feelings hadn’t just gone away once his body was burned. They festered inside with no way to expel them; no monsters to kill, no big bad to fight, no plans to make. No Cas to laugh with, drink with, to just sit and talk with. Just himself now, and those thoughts in his head. Regret, loneliness, shame. Shame for not trying to live on after Cas was gone. For giving up so easily.

He drained the rest of his beer and set the bottle down on the table between the chairs, then he stood up, took one more long look out towards the trees and sighed heavily. Then he straightened his shoulders and walked towards Baby. “Come on girl, it’s just you and me.”

And so it went on. The open road. A beer with Bobby. Dinner with Sam and Eileen. Watching his parents laughing while listening to Zeppelin. Dean could feel himself becoming a shadow, a ghost, a whisper. He saw the side glances from his family. He would smile, resorting to his old favourite response “I’m fine.” when anyone asked how he was doing. Then leaving them in Baby’s rear view mirror as he drove off down the road.

Castiel appeared on the porch of Sam’s house and hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. He was nervous but looking forward to finally seeing his friend after everything he had been through since he’d last seen him. He knew all about Sam’s life, about his death, even his afterlife, but he was terrified to find out why Sam had finally prayed to him to come and visit.

That fear faded as soon as Sam opened the door. A huge smile met his eyes and suddenly he was caught up in his friends’ arms for a hug, and he wrapped his arms around him in return. “Hello Sam.” He smiled into his shoulder.

“Hey Cas. It’s good to see you, man.” said Sam. “Please come in.”

The house was just as Cas had expected it to be. Bookshelves along one wall. Photographs adorning the others. A huge window overlooking the fields behind.

Eileen poked her head in from the kitchen. “Hi Castiel.” She said, signing his name with a huge smile. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Hello Eileen.” Cas replied. “It’s very good to see you too.”

“Sit down, Cas. Can I get you anything? A beer?” Sam asked.

“No, thank you though.” Cas sat down on the couch and folded the flaps of his coat over his knees. He was not ready for this conversation, even though he really had no idea what Sam was going to say. But he could only imagine where it was headed. It looked like it could be avoided no longer. He looked up and squinted. “You asked me to come. Is everything okay?”

Sam sat in the armchair opposite and smiled shyly. “I should have invited you as soon as I got here. I missed you, Cas. Not just here,” he swept his arm out. “but always. I really missed you. And Jack.” He cleared his throat. “Um. How is Jack?”

Castiel smiled “Jack is wonderful, thank you. He has done amazing things since he arrived here. Everyone seems happy with what he has created here.”

“What you have both created. Or so I hear.”

“Yes. I have been guiding him since I returned to Heaven. It’s the least I could do to thank him for bringing me back.” Cas examined his hands in his lap. “We have done the best we can for everyone.”

“It really is amazing, Cas. Please tell him how proud I am. How proud we are.”

Cas froze. They caught each other’s eyes but he looked away quickly. 

Sam sighed and stood up. He walked over to the window and looked out at the sky. He was loathe to broach the subject, but it didn’t look like Cas would be the first.

“Look Cas. I’m glad to see you, I really am. But I didn’t bring you here for me. I’m happy here. I have everything I ever wanted. I’m content.” He turned back and looked at Castiel, whose eyes were still downcast. He went to sit next to him on the couch.

“I’m worried about Dean.” He said, quietly bending his head to catch Cas’ eye. “He spends so long on his own. It’s not good for him. He was never good when he was alone, you know. I just… I don’t think he’s happy here. Surely if anything he should at least be happy in Heaven.”

“Heaven is what you make it, Sam. It’s whatever you want it to be. You have your family, your friends are close by. D…” he stopped. Then he coughed slightly – as if an angel needed to clear his throat in Heaven of all places. He stood up and turned to look at the books on the shelves, although he wasn’t really seeing them.

“You’re brother has you, and his car, and can visit the people he cares about whenever he wishes. That’s what he wants. That’s the afterlife he has created for himself. I’m sure he is…”

“No. You don’t see him, Cas. Or do you? Can you see what he’s like? Can you feel what he’s feeling? Is that something you are still attuned to? Is your “profound bond” still, y’know, active, or whatever?” Sam was getting emotional now. “Why haven’t you even been to see him? Why did you wait until I prayed to you? We were friends, Cas. Why haven’t you been to see us?”

Castiel turned and looked into Sam’s face, his eyes squinting, his head tilted.

“This is your Heaven, Sam. Dean’s Heaven. A human Heaven. You get what you ask for here. And until now nobody has asked for me.” Castiel’s deep voice cracked at this and he walked towards the door. He reached for the door handle before quietly adding “I will always come when you call. You and… Dean. But you need to call me. I don’t belong here. This place wasn’t created for angels. It’s your Paradise, not mine.” and with that, he opened the door and walked away.

Sam sniffed, and went to the door. Before he reached it Castiel had vanished.


	2. No peace when we are done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is restless, and Sam is worried. Eileen steps in to call on someone to help. But can Castiel get past his fear of not being wanted? And will Dean accept that this is what he really needs?

Time meant nothing in Heaven. So why did it feel to Sam like it had been too long since Dean had stopped by to visit him and Eileen. Sam went to look in The Roadhouse, where he discovered Dean hadn’t been seen there for a while either. His parents had already been around asking if anyone had seen his brother. Bobby and Karen had just come back from visiting Rufus so he hadn’t been with them.

Eileen knew that Sam was worried, but she also knew that he was too afraid to call Castiel after what happened the last time. So she took it upon herself to pray to the angel.

“Please Castiel.” She thought “I am worried about Sam and Dean. Heaven should be a place where we can all be happy. Please come, Cas. We need your help.”

With a sixth sense that only a hunter with her skills possessed, she turned to where Castiel had suddenly appeared behind her. “Hi Cas.” She said with a small smile.

“Hello Eileen.” Castiel waved his hand as he spoke. “What can I do for you?”

They sat on the porch chairs which they turned so they could face each other. “I’m sure you know why I called you.” Eileen began. “Something needs to be done about Dean. He isn’t coming to see us anymore. He is spending so long out on the road. Sam is worried. It’s affecting everybody else. We don’t know what to do. Can you help us? Can you help him?”

Castiel sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand – a habit he knew he had picked up from Dean. “He is hiding. From Sam, and from the others. He’s hiding from me. I don’t think Dean wants me to interfere. He knows he can call on me if he wants to… talk.”

“He won’t do that. He’s too proud. Can’t you just…?”

“It’s hard for me to go to him.” At Eileen’s questioning look, he goes on “When I was taken, I said… some things. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. I thought I was done. I never thought about what I would say to him if we saw each other again. I never thought I’d have to deal with his reaction to what I said. To face him without being asked. I don’t think I can.”

“You’re embarrassed.” It wasn’t a question. “If you care about him, why won’t you help him?”

“What can I do? This is Heaven. He has everything he could want. Everyone he ever cared about is here.”

“No.” Eileen snapped back. “He doesn’t have everything. There’s one thing missing.”

“Hunting.” Castiel nodded.

“You.” She pointed. “He needs you, Cas.”

………………………………………………………

Dean sat on the small wooden jetty overlooking a very familiar lake. He knew exactly who had designed this particular part of Heaven. This was the very lake he had dreamed about when he was alive where he had been visited by his friend.

He had found it here after a long drive one day and now he seemed to come back to it more and more often. In fact he was finding it harder to leave each time. It was the one place that he really found peaceful in this entire supposed paradise.

He drained his beer, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, thinking about Castiel. Where was he now? Still out there designing parts of Heaven for those souls still left to come? Somewhere with Jack ensuring people ended up where they were supposed to go? Was he with the other angels, finally doing what he had been created to do all those millennia ago?

“Hello Dean.”

Dean fell back off the chair in surprise. “Shit, Cas. You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack.” He scrambled to his feet, flustered. “What the hell?”

“Sorry.” Castiel tilted his head and squinted his eyes. Dean gulped, to finally see that look on his friend’s face again after all this time. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Dean shook himself. “Frighten me? I wasn’t…. You just startled me, is all. I wasn’t expecting to see you. You haven’t… I’ve been here for so long but you… Where have you BEEN Cas?” 

He took several long strides towards the angel, but stopped himself suddenly, and awkwardly snapped his arms back to his sides. “Why have you waited so long to come and see me? When I heard you were here I thought you’d come to find me. Why didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t sure if you would want me to come. You didn’t pray to me, even though you knew I was in Heaven. I didn’t want to disturb your peace.”

“Peace?” Dean barked out a laugh. “Is that what this is?”

Castiel looked out at the lake with a small smile. “You always felt peace when you dreamed of this place back on earth.”

“Yeah, well. It was a quiet place between the blood and the death and the hunting. Here it’s just…. It gives me a chance to focus my thoughts. And to remember.” Dean stood in front of the angel and bent to catch his eye. “It’s not the same. You know?”

They looked into each other’s eyes just as they always had, until Castiel shifted and looked away. “I’m sorry you died, Dean. I should have been there to save you.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I wouldn’t have even got that far if you hadn’t done what you did to take out Billie.” And there it was. Hanging in the air between them. Castiel’s final words before he was taken.

Castiel turned away to hide his blush and looked out over the water. “Well, I’m sorry anyway. When Jack brought me back, I knew Chuck was gone. I thought you’d be safe. I should have known you were in danger. I should have felt it. I hoped you’d have more time, Dean. Time to build a life for yourself. A life outside of hunting.”

“I was trying, Cas. I really was. I applied for a real job. I got a dog. I was trying to live. I was trying to carry on. For you. There was always something though, you know. Always another case, another monster. Always someone else to save.” Dean raised his hand and tentatively placed it on Castiel’s shoulder. “I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t just let people die when I could save them. I’m sorry if you think your sacrifice was a waste…”

“No.” Cas grabbed Dean’s arms. “It wasn’t wasted. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was worth it.” He whispered. “You are worth it.”

Dean stepped closer and Castiel’s breath hitched. Suddenly he was pulled into Dean’s arms and hugged tightly. Castiel put his arms around Dean’s waist and buried his face into his neck.

“I’ve missed you, Cas. So much. Especially since I’ve been here. Heaven was the one place I thought I could count on having you around, and you’ve just been gone.” Dean let him go, and Cas stepped back, somewhat reluctantly.

“I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me after what I said.” Cas said, shyly.

Dean shook his head. “There’s nothing you could say that would keep me away from you. I thought we’d got past all that. I meant what I said when I prayed to you in Purgatory, Cas. You’re my best friend, and I should never have let you go.”

Castiel nodded. “Right.” He closed his eyes, and went to turn away. “Well. I’m here now. So let’s get you back to your family. Sam has been worried.”

“No. You don’t get it.” Dean caught his hand to stop him, but then he kept a hold of it. “I need you here. With me. I’m so goddamn miserable here, Cas. In Heaven! It’s not enough that Sam is here. That my friends are here. I mean it’s great that they are, of course it is. But it’s not what I need. It’s not what I want.”

Castiel looked into Dean’s face, hardly daring to hope that what he thought he could see was real. “Dean?”

“I want you, Cas. You’re all I need. Heaven is nothing without you by my side.” Dean stepped close again, and took his other hand. “Castiel. I love you. Will you stay?”

Tears rolled down Castiel’s cheek as his face broke into a smile.

“Of course, Dean. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Dean raised his hands, cupped Castiel’s face and brushed away the tears with his thumbs. He paused with a question in his eyes. At Castiel’s small nod, he finally leaned in and pressed his soft lips to his angel’s chapped ones.

Dean was finally in Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is more to come. Now that we’ve got these idiots together, let’s see what mayhem awaits them...


End file.
